So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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