I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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