Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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