I CAN MOONWALK!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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