Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
