eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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