I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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