I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
high people should be assigned attendants
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
