they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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