i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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