its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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