He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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