just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
