: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
