all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
