someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
