It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
