I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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