Apparently you make a good broom.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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