Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
