Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
