these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
