epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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