that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
