I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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