I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
