Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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