He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you have feelings for this penis?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
