I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
