she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
