your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
