he thought i was a dude.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
