tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
