shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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