Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
