so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
