nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
