Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
