Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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