We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
