in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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