Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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