If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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