i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
