Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
