Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I cut my penus on the lid.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
