Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
