i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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