last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
