The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wish I could teleport
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
