I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
