I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
