Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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