I love black thongs
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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