OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
