we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
