Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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